February 19, 2005
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No Lack of Excuse
(this is the unapologetically naval-centric follow-on to the below. Feel free to pass on by
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As all of you who know me, and many of you who don't, surmised, Ms. 7's remark ("Mommy, no matter what I do, you find no excuse for it") made me laugh, but it also made me agonize.
Because the point is (and I suspect she may be fully aware what I believe the point is) that not only do I try to avoid that expression, I don't believe in it. Being one of those irritating and perhaps delusional people who'd like to believe there to be good in everyone, I'm fully ready to acknowledge an excuse for everything. There's an excuse for not doing your homework. There's an excuse for being late. There's an excuse for shoving someone. On a larger scale, there's excuses for torture and murder (as any nation at war has good reason to understand first-hand).
My admonition to Ms. 7 which occasioned her too-clever remark wasn't "There's no excuse for that," it was "That's unacceptable." Because I do believe in the unacceptability of certain things. Groups of people who live together have to agree on certain rules, and follow them. It's (generally) unacceptable to break the social rules. So usually you have to do your homework, be on time, refrain from shoving ..... and put some seriously deep thought into whether that torture/murder choice was really the right one.
So to turn her phrase: "Honey, I trust you have excuse for whatever you do, but ultimately it's not your mother who will judge its merits."
Comments (8)
Children learn from their parents in myriad ways...the vast majority of which involve watching them and following their examples. Ms.7's ability to push buttons notwithstanding, she has some truly wonderful, and thoughtful, footsteps in which to follow.
Having dated someone who feels that the way society in Western civilisation is constructed is too rule-oriented, I have come to see that there are at least two extremes to what you're talking about here. There is the idea that we live in a society where there are things that are acceptable and things that are unacceptable, and of course there are a million things that fall into that "gray area" that make life challenging. And then, there is the idea that we humans are entirely too neurotic, unimaginative in the extreme, relying solely on rules to guide us into how we think, what we do with our time, how we live, what our beliefs are. We have been thinking the same thoughts, doing the same things, etc. for so long that we're not growing.
Is thinking in either extreme healthy? I'm not sure. You're safest thinking that you need to do what everyone else is doing to keep the peace and to live a good life but I seriously question the bigger picture. I don't know that I am always living a good life by adhering to "the rules."
ouch!
Excuses are for losers.
Sorry i couldn't leave a longer comment..umm..my cat needs food.
I appreciate the navel gazing.
Oh, yes - I love the navel gazing exercise. {hug} It sounds like Ms. 7 is experiencing some of the same socialization pain that Mr. 8 has encountered this year. I wish that as Mommy we could just open their little heads and pour in the ideas that would help them to make the best choices and get along with their peers.
Mostly wanted to cruise over and check out your site - but I liked the most recent pieces. You have a very accomplished writing style.
Also, I wanted to say thanks for coming by and leaving me a comment.
- RP
excuses are used by those who are always excused, so they seem to come in a gross, never just one at a time.
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