March 1, 2005
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"If you were born between 1920 and 1965...."
Panting away on the exercise machine in front of the blinking tv bank at the local rec center, I stared at the closed-captioned tv monitor with interest. Okay, so they were aiming at my demographic -- but painted rather broadly, I thought. What product that would interest me and my 85-year-old compatriot, I wondered. Next up on the screen was the name of the seller, which meant nothing to me (Heritage something), then came
".....today's funeral averages $6,000."
Ouch.
Yeah, that old cost-of-the-corpse concern is definitely a kicker, all right. And I suppose even if you optimistically believe, at 43, that your own heirs may hope to have a bit longer before that worry rises to the top, you do find yourself in the burgeoning group of those actually arranging the funerals.
But in lieu of calling up Heritage quite yet, I think I'll opt for stating my preferences publicly:
I don't want the life-support. If my brain is dead, then the "I" of me is dead. Don't keep the rest of me alive in memoriam.
Definitely donate the organs.
Cremate the rest, and you choose the options thereafter. Urned on the mantelpiece seems a trifle macabre to me, but I won't be around to object. Thrown to the winds anywhere you like would be fine. Frankly, I've always fancied the "Travels With My Aunt" approach,* but you needn't go that far.
Care to share yours?
* in Graham Greene's brilliant and hilarious novel (also a movie) of that title the cremated remains of a woman are unceremoniously tossed by her surviving relative so the urn can be used to smuggle pot. And that's just the beginning....
Comments (25)
Well, that smarts. Funeral?!? Not just yet I hope.
ah, most eeeeenteresting. i want my organs - assuming they're not all shriveled and useless - donated, except for my eyes, because that skeeves me even post-mortem. i want to be cremated and after that, if someone thought of it, i think it would kick ass to be dumped in a hole with a tree planted over it, so i could turn into the tree.
bill wanted his body donated to science, an idea i put the kibash on before we were even married, because i'm mentally preparing now to outlive him (because if i don't get right with that in my head long before it happens, i really can't see dealing with it then) and i will not have a bunch of stoner med students hacking him to pieces and dropping bits of him down each other's labcoats for laughs. oh hell no. so it's cremation for him, too, and maybe a tree, and maybe depending on how i feel, i might keep just a little of the ash to myself. because i love the stupid fucker and even just thinking about not having him around makes me weepy. but that doesn't stop me from telling him that i'm gonna do that thing where they collect the carbon from the cremation process and make lab-created diamonds out of it, so that finally he'll be worth something to me. ha.
The thing that baffles me about the Terry Schiavo case in Florida is that the only life support she is on is food. They want to stop feeding her and let her starve! Now, I agree that if I'm a vegetable and on life support then pull it and let me go. But her parents think there's something there, and if stopping life support means to stop feeding her, then what about the other million people in the world who need help feeding themselves. Are they candidates for "pulling the life support" also? (And I'm even more against it after watching a show on the Discovery Health channel last night about the people whose lives were changed after having gone through surgery fully aware because their anesthesia didn't put them to sleep, but they couldn't communicate because of the muscle inhibitors they were given. Awful!!)
But as far as what to do with my remains, I'd personally like to have my body sterilized and sent into space, if it were an option. Imagine your body just floating between the stars for eons and eons.
In The Shipping News, Quoyle's aunt dumped his parents' ashes down the outhouse so that everytime he used it he'd give them what they deserved.
Me? I'd prefer to be dissected. That's what I would have done to myself.
At 42 and 43, my partner and I are talking about wills, wishes, cremation. It is necessary if those we love are to have an easy time of things when we are gone.
I'm a donor...after that, I want to be mummified and gold plated, and propped up in someone's den as a conversation piece.
In the past few years, with my parents being so frail, I've learned more than I ever wanted to know about advance directives. I don't have anything in writing yet myself, but I probably ought to, just in case I get hit by a bus or something. In general, I concur with your preferences.
cremated...cause air tight / water tight coffins are a waste...you came from this earth and you should return to it.
give away whatever organs are worth anything.
then scatter me to the four corners...cause I just won't have reached all my destinations at that point (I want to see everything).
Along those lines:
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A woman's husband dies.
He had $20,000 to his name.
After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetary, she tells her closest friend that there is no money left.
The friend says, "How can that be? You told me he had $20,000 a few days before he died. How could you be broke?"
The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the temple and all. That was $500 and I spent another $500 for the shiva, food and drinks, you know. The rest went for the memorial stone."
The friend says, "$12,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how big was it?"
The widow says, "Three carats."
RYC: Yes, I read The Other Boleyn Girl, and I loved it!
To me funerals and funeral rites are mostly for those that remain. To quote the Klingons, "The body is an empty shell... Dispose of it as such".
So, stuff me, cremate me, bury me, send me into space, whatever... I don't care. Though I suppose I would want my organs to benefit someone. My partner doesn't like the idea of donating my body to science, because apparently you don't get a chance to see the body, in case of an accident.
Really, I suppose I should sit all my loved ones down and let them fight it out. Now wouldn't that be an interesting argument? "Burn him!!" "NO! Bury him." "I say stuff him."
I was just commenting on the life support issue last evening. I'm glad I am not in the position to have to set policy on life support issues, but for me I do not want to be kept alive by machines if there is no hope of recovery. Death is not that scary.
After my death, take the useable stuff and do what makes you feel good with the rest. All I ask is that if you go with cremation, try keep the cat away from the ashes.
I'm with ya - if the brain is gone, pull the plug. If I'm alive and only on nourishment supplements (like Terri Schiavo), do NOT hesitate to attempt rehab measures. If I die, creamate the body, do what you will with the ashes, and do NOT have a service. Crying over what's done in front of everyone sucks. And is expensive. ((shrugs)) Cheap unto death...
i want to be cremated too. Mom was and we buried her ashes in a family cemetary. We had just a small memorial service. I think full-blown funerals a too morbid and too hard on the loved ones. I don't even care if someone has a service for me. Just bury me, scatter me.......I won't care anyway.
ryc: yay - we did have a little "accidental snow"
lora
i concur with all of yours. i dont know or care if my ashes are spread. i would leave it to the kids. they might want them around or not. and i dont even care about a big tadoo. i feel loved while i am alive, that is more than anyone can ask. i had to do all the arrangements for my dad who died a couple of years back. what an eye opener. he was cremated. i think the cost still ran well over a grand trying to stay as inexpensive as possible.
I want to be bronzed and shot into outer space.
Donate the organs. I've never been able to grow hair long enough for Locks of Love, so if they can get enough hair for a wig by shaving it, go ahead. Cremate the body. Have a celebration for the kids, then let them scatter my ashes in a field of bluebonnets back home in Texas.
I'm totally with you on this, no life support, donate anything they can use, and cremate me
My husband has trouble with the cremation part, cuz he's claustrophobic. I try to tell him, he'll be dead. He's not thrilled with a a coffin either though!
Interesting thoughts.. I never expect less on your site...
definitely organ donation. My grandfather had a heart transplant and I remember how wonderful the gift of life was to our family...those addional 9 years were so incredible for us all.
and cremation...with my ashes scattered in Maui near where Charles Lindburgh is buried....it's a beautiful seaside cliff...the most amazing place I've ever visited and one of the happiest times in my life.
No to life support either...let the survivors say their goodbyes and release me.
I'm so totally with you on that.
F
no memento mori for me, excepting that 8x12 glossy of my chalk outline on da skreet.. oops sorry
Nada to life support and my ashes to Erebus.
regards,
obse quy or exe quy
both me and MKD decided long ago-- cremations... and for me-- a great big party afterwards.
It's timely I should read this on an evening where I've been thinking of having "DNR" tattooed upon my chest. DNR- do not resuscitate-would lovely I think, as a rather ornate necklace tattooed with the letters centered. That way there'd be no guessing as to my desires as the samaritan bystander rips open my shirt to perform CPR. Nurses often will joke that they'll have DNR tattooed on their chest so there's no waiting for someone to remember the living will or DNR order written by one's doctor.
As for my remains: take what can be used to help others, burn the remainder and spread me into a garden with rich compost. OR, even better, turn me into the heated pile of hubris, manure and grass clipping. After all, a good deal of my life has been dealing with fecal material - coming out of others or dealing with my own - and it seems appropriate that I be surrounded by it as I try to be useful in death.
I don't want my family to spend money on my funeral- maybe a meet and greet at the community house. No viewing of the body publicly. Just good music, good food and memories.
Blessings abound
Of course, that means I won't be able to wear turtlenecks any more.
Yep, I'm with you, totally. And I want them to do it as inexpensively as possible.
Sorry about school.
what do I care?
I'll be DEAD.
I'm pretty sure that when I did my will and my power of attorney documents, I said that I wantd to donate my body to medicine. But I should probably double check on that. And, of course, I would tell them to pull the feeding tube if I were in Terri Schiavo's condition.
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