March 23, 2005
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Personality Challenges
The other night my 4-year-old, who's going through a bit of a personality development challenge right now, crossed her little arms, pouted out her cute little bottom lip, stamped her foot and declared, rapid-fire:
"Mommy, I hate you, you're stupid, and I'm never going to play with you again."
Interestingly, it was the second time that day I'd heard the same line, more-or-less in the same words. The first time, the delivery came at work, from an individual who has a half-century on Ms. 4. In his case, I fawned, flattered, retreated and reconsidered my position. In hers, I informed her flatly that she knew better and gave her a time out.
Others to whom I turned for solace in dealing with my disgruntled colleague have suggested that when you have a laser-sharp focus on your own point of genius (whether that be masterly acting, intuitive grasp of the mysteries of the universe, the creative ability to engineer new and highly complex machinery, or what-have-you) the world will kowtow, ease your every burden, bear your disgruntlement with a smile, and in general aid and abet you in avoiding the necessity to deal with your own personality development challenges.
I'm left in something of a maternal quandary there, realizing that my severe treatment of Ms. 4's pecadillos is thereby steering her toward being a good, forgiving, kindly person with excellent sandbox skills rather than a focused genius without any of those attributes. On the other hand, much though one might find significant pride in being the parent of the latter, the entire family might end up being co-opted into the Adulation League, which would be irritating.
Anyone know any pleasant, well-adjusted geniuses? Just wondering ('cause, dang, I'd like to work with that one for a change).
Comments (26)
I DO know some well-adjusted geniuses... and they tend to be pleasant... but I also know many more others who possess very little in the way of social skills. Ms. 4 is still at an age where she can be taught how to have both, methinks...
balance, in other words...
What a precocious daughter you have...
My TeenGirl didn't voice those sort of sentiments towards me until she hit puberty... and even then she wasn't as upfront and honest as Ms. 4... thankfully, TeenGirl got over it.
... some never voice nor get over their resentments.
My son, who is 4 as well, has recently been making very similar statements. "Fine! Then I won't play here at all! I won't even live here! And I don't like you!" Must be endemic to the age. And I have had the same sort of fear. I think that my wife and I are at times smoothing off too many of his rough edges. There's something to this, I'm sure, but I'm not at all sure I know what to do about it.
Our genius needs a dose of humility although I am not sure he could handle it well. Those of us who have to struggle for every ounce of brain power can actually consider ourselves fortunate; we have to learn to be nice...or at least tolerable.
Kids are fun to watch when it comes to their journey through the maze of human emotions. Their indignation gets pretty weak when its time to find a warm, wanting lap to snuggle in.
Pleasant, and well-adjusted geniuses?
(ponders...)
Um...nope, and...nope.
Unless they have never compared their own intellects to those surrounding them. Or had it compared for them through testing or general social interaction. Then we get into the whole "if a tree falls in a forest..." discussion. How do we define a genius if not by comparison? And ranking?
Personally, I will always prefer the company of those with the excellent sandbox skills.
Always.
oddly (and thankgodly) my boss is one of those people: brilliant in both science and business, and utterly unflappable, no matter how loud and flailing the personal doodoo flinging around him becomes. he is the pleasant, steady rock on which the shaky personalities and inferior intellects of his underlings balance, and never once in the three years i've been here have i witnessed his voice or his ire raised, nor heard him so much as suggest that he's better than anyone.
whatever his parents did when he was four? they should sell it.
If I didn't work for myself, I would want to work for rache's boss.
the only true geniuses i know are joys to be with.... it's the wannabe geniuses who are pains in the ass.
Yeah, ditto on rache's boss (my own genius problem isn't with my boss, thankfully, who's an intelligent, well-mannered guy, but mine doesn't hold a candle to hers)!
There was a National Lampoon parody of a John Lennon song that crescendo'd w/ the line "Genius is PAIN! Genius...is pay-ay-ay-ay-ane!" Then a lot of primal screaming and the shouts of "Oh! Genius! Oh!" in the background.
I always remember that whenever I'm about to announce my IQ, and I keep my flippin' trap shut.
What's that saying...it's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice...? When smarts=importance, people's priorities get a little silly.
I've known a couple geniuses of the pleasant/well-adjusted variety, but more that are not. I try to think of "sandbox skills" as just another aptitude, but somehow those without them irritate me - no matter how "smart" they are - much more than someone who just can't do math.
So I do devote a lot of brain power to wondering what to do to turn out a well-adjusted child, insomuch as that can be "nurtured" into someone, genius or not.
1. This was a great post.
2. Yes, luckily, I know several well-adjusted geniuses, and they are great fun. And it causes me to have very little patience with the badly-adjusted ones. It's funny how many geniuses think that their genius makes it okay for them to be rude and surly. I'm tired of it. They shouldn't get away with it, and their parents shouldn't get away with raising them that way. People like you and me need to fight this trend! Best of luck to you and your spirited-but-on-the-way-to-being-well-socialized four-year-old.
i was about to write: "obviously, you haven't worked with me". but writing that would make me a bragging maladjusted genius. and i can't find a way to pretend i am one, so i guess i'm not (a genius, hahaha).
*crosses his arms, pouts out a fat and ugly bottom lip, than stomps his foot, thereby making the sandbox crash*
I know of some functioning idiots, but no geniuses. If they're geniuses, they're disguising it very well. They're dang funny to laugh at, you know? phew! I work with 'em everyday. I am fairly certain they're commenting the same thing about me on another blog this minute, I can read it now... I know some functioning idiots with funny accents....
I've been thinking about your question. Obviously I didn't know either of these two men personally, but weren't Einstein and Sam Clemens both regarded as pleasant people? They were definitely geniuses.
I wonder if Shakespeare was a prat.
I know Newton was rather odd. How about DaVinci? Was he a turd? There's no one who knows for sure, I reckon, but...you know. By reputation, I reckon there were some really decent people who went far in fulfilling their potential.
Shakespeare was apparently regarded as a quiet, reserved and generally unassuming chap. Not the sort you'd imagine changing the face of Western literature forever more.
I actually know one! My f riends husband. It took him a while to be so well adjusted, but I think he is. For the most part I agree with you. Intelligence gets in the way of common sense most times.
Well, I'm a genius, and I'm definitely not well-adjusted.
Personally, I'd take well-adjusted over genius any time of the day. The world has enough jerks already. Of course, we could also have someone who isn't particularly bright and who also a jerk, like George Bush, so then you'd have the worst of both worlds.
Sure, I know a few. I found it much more effective to deal with my sons when they would issue those proclamations by telling them they were entitled to their opinions and not to talk to me that way.
One time my sixteen year old was disgruntled because I threatened to hike up a steep ski trail to haul him out of a party I told him he couldn't stay at. He told me:
"you used to be so Cool! but not any more."
To which I replied," I am cooler than you will ever know. However, I am your mother and I don't need to be cool for you."
Interestingly enough, I did feel that way in that moment. I need a few more of those moments. Blessings abound
It must be a four thing. When C discovered that the "I hate you" wasn't getting the reaction she was looking for (we usually respond with a simple, "Well I love you") she tried "I hate you FOREVER!" I felt bad for laughing, but sometimes it's almost impossible not to.
But dayum, an adult should know better!
My cats have excellent sand box skills. Maybe that's why I often prefer their company to my coworkers'.
Happy spring!
I think I come close, though it's taken thirty six years.
Just kidding.
My kid, James. Brilliant and absolutely lovely.
Watch - he'll grow up to be a serial killer. ::sighs::
F
LOL - a pleasant well-adjusted genius? I've been thinking about this obliquely because of a line I ran across in a book I was reading on my trip ...
"I have said for years that our expression "peace of mind" is a contradiction in terms. I have never met anyong who is at peace who is in their mind, and I have never met anyone in their head who is at peace." Fr. Richard Rohr, Everything Belongs
i have one. i only had to pick her up by the front of her shirt and push her against the wall one or two times to help guide her.
oh and then theres me...or i...whichever. but really, i have so much trouble getting past my modesty, you might find me difficult to work with.
mwahahahaaaa...lawsy i slay me sometimes.
Being a genius isn't easy. I think most really brilliant people are crazy. In my case it comes from seeing things from too many angles at one time. I also was the smartest of my friends; I was often called "weird" and began to believe it, creating this kind of isolationist rift between me and the rest of the world. LOL. I'm really not a genius but I do spend a lot of time thinking and not as much time doing. And maybe that is at the root of how poorly adjusted I am. Maybe that's Mr. 29 year old's problem too.
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