August 13, 2005
-
Age (Again) and Beauty
looking for reassurance the other day, in the way confident people do, with
self-deprecating humor. Apparently
someone had compared my friend with a similarly-aged acquaintance and come up
with the worrisome proclamation: “But
you seem SO much older!”
teased; “Wisdom, poise, thoughtfulness?”
My friend, who’s more than minimally attractive in both personality and
physique, was self-assured enough to laugh:
“I HOPE that’s all!”The thing about age in modern
with beauty. ‘Beauty’ is the compliment;
‘age’ the fear factor. Wrinkles,
gray hair, pot belly, weak knees, memory loss ……..aaaaAAAH!Any comparative-age remark
strikes straight at the ego. I’ve
purposely avoided mentioning my friend’s gender, but that would make a
difference too, wouldn’t it? Men in
their mid-thirties might excusably still be relieved to have outlived ‘callow
youth’; women of the same age are equally likely to be staring at the mirror
anxiously anticipating crows-feet.
colleague with a smooth face, lovely long legs, modish clothing and a ready
smile. Since realizing that she and I
are the same age, my cultural programming has had me playing the comparison
game: her hair, her weight, her
nicely-turned calf, the sheen of her well-cut clothes. But if I left it there I’d be as unfortunate
a victim of social pressure and egocentric short-sightedness as any embittered
crone.
Xanga, seeing a photo, sometimes say:
“Oh! I thought you were a lot
older and heavier.” Leaves me feeling
force-fed a mixed cocktail of vanity and irritation.Particularly for women, the
attractiveness of age’s wisdom seems almost mutually exclusive of youth’s
beauty, malgre Shakespeare (“Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her
infinite variety”).
I wish I could say honestly
to all us older folk, like I could easily say to my friend: Age will only improve your character, and you
will (because it’s human nature), but you need not, ever fear for your beauty.
Comments (11)
I so know this dilemma....because I had children at a later age than most women...I have a circle of friends about a decade younger than myself. They often tell me that I don't seem over 40 to them and I'm never sure if that's a compliment or not.
when they respond to a picture of you in that manner just say, "no, you have me confused with Lucky."
newton's gravitational laws forgot to mention it's effect on those of us mah-tooor wimmen.
good lord, somebody actually commented with that?
I automatically assumed your friend was female and didn't even notice that you had kept the gender a secret until you said you had. I even went back to check. How's that for prejudice? As I grow older and notice dark spots beginning to appear on my skin, gray hairs peeping through the brown, and creases around my mouth that don't quite go away when I've finished laughing... It's mostly bizarre because I never thought I'd see the day that I'd be this old. So I'm mostly just happy to be here. That other stuff is just proof that I loved the sun too much, worry too much, and need to laugh all the time so nobody'll ever get a chance to notice. Right?
At 21 I am graying. Vain I am, but this post was oddly comforting.
I've never been so glad to be a guy. And unlike some of the other troubled guys you mention, I am always happy to feel that the age I am is the best age to be. Harder to do that, I think, if you're a woman. (But still possible.)
I just want to be a fast old guy. If I work now on being fast, and surviving to be old, then I will meet my goal.
Beauty? Well you are right, no need not worry about beauty. But you nevertheless will.
I'm afraid that our shallow culture has truly degenerated into a Life Imitating Art (all rights reserved).
I have always found that (just about) EVERYONE (I've yet to find exceptions) has something that is physically attractive about them. I also think that shallow is as shallow does. And people who value looks above ALL else have personalities that go just as deep.
YOU are beautiful.
I hear in Asian cultures, it's considered beautiful to age.
I really, really wish I lived in Asian cultures.
all is not as awful as it seems. i'm 62, a 5'2" 2x after years of dealing with weight gain as a side effect of various antidepressants and other medications and for years woudln't look into a mirror because i knew, product of an abusive mother that i am, that i was UGLY. i've begun dating again, after a couple in their mid-50's told me at length how they met on match.com, while we were waiting for the plane that would take me to my son's wedding last fall. this has been revelatory.
over and over i hear, "you are a beautiful woman," "you are a beautiful, sensuous woman," and the like, all from men from their late 40's and early 50's, and said after meeting in daylight, not in kinder soft light of an evening.
having heard it so many times now, i gathered a little courage and emailed a fella whose picture came up over and over under "your matches," a man 11 years younger than i and, i thought, very attractive. "you are lovely, at least as lovely as what you wrote to me," he replied, and the most recent posts are about what looks to be the beginning of a most extraordinary relationship.
i cannot speak for other generations, but this admittedly small group of guys, 45 to 55 - all have been open to non-formulaic beauty and have made certain that i understood i had not only what they perceived as physical beauty, but a beauty of the spirit as well. how they managed to stay free of the culture's conventions around female beauty, i don't know, but it has been a marvelous experience hearing what they have to say.
Well, I didn't want to blog in your comments.
But I have to admit I have a deep-seated cultural prejudice that makes me think the older I get the less attractive I'll be. And since I was never all that pretty to start with it's a frightening prospect.
Thanks for the kind words, though; nice to hear that once in a while even if I don't buy it.
yeah yeah, I appreciate all the wisdom gained -- but there are times I just wanna look like I used to look in my 20s (or even my 30s).
-- like at the beach, you know?
Comments are closed.