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  • Understanding the Bearing of Witness

    Philip Gourevitch is the son of Holocaust survivors, and that is partially the reason, he says, he wanted to explore why the Nuremburg promise of "never again" failed so utterly and completely during the murder of almost a million Rwandans in the spring of 1994, essentially without the world taking notice.  Or to paraphrase the Western journalist in Hotel Rwanda (responding to the hope expressed by main character Hotelier Paul Rusesabagina that the shocking images of the massacre would bring the world's justice-makers to the doorstep):  "You know what they'll do?  They'll say, 'Oh, those poor people!' And then they'll go on eating their dinner."

    So in 1997 Gourevitch went to Rwanda and interviewed hundreds of people:  peasants, generals, bureaucrats, soldiers and doctors; foreigners and Rwandans.  And he wrote "We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families," the title of which is taken from a letter written by doomed parishioners to a preacher who resolutely turned aside and let them die.

    Gourevitch's book was my book club choice this month, and in preparation for it I delved into the broader current geopolitical situation in the Great Rift Valley today.  I found, among other things, a graphical attempt to make sense of the military pressures and counterpressures resulting in part from the Rwandan genocide and in part from post-colonial Central African strife writ large.

    It's impossible, isn't it?  That graph is impossible to understand, even if you had some inkling of the nature of all the groups it attempts to interrelate.  Gourevitch's book is difficult too, because even though he tells a story, and he starts at a 'beginning' and finds a way to come to an 'end,' he doesn't shrink from bringing the complexity of the place and the circumstances and the names and the peripheral affiliates into the tale.  So it's hard to read and hard to grasp.  The movie simplifies the equation to some fairly bare essentials (unlikely hero with imperiled wife and children, world gone mad, minimal success born of desperation and an unimpeachable moral core), and makes a brilliant job of it, but it brings no depth of understanding.

    I lived in the Rift Valley for three years.  I knew many of the places in Gourevitch's book well, including the Hotel des Mille Collines itself, and the lesser-known monastery of Mokoto (destroyed and all its people banished or killed in the tidal wave of hatred that spread out from the Rwandan disaster and is still consuming the Rift countries).  I know what the people and places look like, sound like, smell like and feel like.

    But I don't understand.  I don't even understand the intricacies of the relationships between cultures and lifestyles in the region, let alone begin to grasp, on a broader philosophical level, why individuals make the choices they do and how those choices burgeon into unstoppable mass movements.  In trying to collect my thoughts for a discourse at my book club, I'm utterly stymied for any simple summary statement, even one so banal as "that was evil," because to name something 'evil' is to claim the ability to judge it on its merits.  And in all that complexity; in the turmoil of history, geography, politics and indistinct choices on all sides, one's ability to judge is whittled to nothingness. 

    Perhaps I can say only this:  in response to such events, simplicity is vanquished under the overwhelming burden of our all-too-human complexities, and it is only through the long passage of time that any understanding -- or ability to avoid its repetition -- can be derived.

  • Tomato Weekend

    Me: [surveying with no
    small pride the tail end of my 21-quart tomato-canning Saturday] Mom,
    how many quarts did you can, in the summers when we were kids?

    Mom:  Eighty-seven.

    Me:  Oh.

    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

    Ms. 4:  [smacking lips]  I just love urinated tomatoes!

    Me:  Uh.  Er.  Ahh -- I love mmmmmarinated tomatoes too, honey!

  • Age (Again) and Beauty

    A decade-younger friend came
    looking for reassurance the other day, in the way confident people do, with
    self-deprecating humor.  Apparently
    someone had compared my friend with a similarly-aged acquaintance and come up
    with the worrisome proclamation:  “But
    you seem SO much older!” 

     “The mature perspective,” I
    teased; “Wisdom, poise, thoughtfulness?” 
    My friend, who’s more than minimally attractive in both personality and
    physique, was self-assured enough to laugh: 
    “I HOPE that’s all!”

    The thing about age in modern
    America is its unfortunate and absolute inverse association
    with beauty.  ‘Beauty’ is the compliment;
    ‘age’ the fear factor.  Wrinkles,
    gray hair, pot belly, weak knees, memory loss ……..aaaaAAAH! 

    Any comparative-age remark
    strikes straight at the ego.  I’ve
    purposely avoided mentioning my friend’s gender, but that would make a
    difference too, wouldn’t it?  Men in
    their mid-thirties might excusably still be relieved to have outlived ‘callow
    youth’; women of the same age are equally likely to be staring at the mirror
    anxiously anticipating crows-feet.

    I have a pleasant female
    colleague with a smooth face, lovely long legs, modish clothing and a ready
    smile.  Since realizing that she and I
    are the same age, my cultural programming has had me playing the comparison
    game:  her hair, her weight, her
    nicely-turned calf, the sheen of her well-cut clothes.  But if I left it there I’d be as unfortunate
    a victim of social pressure and egocentric short-sightedness as any embittered
    crone. 

    Conversely, readers of my
    Xanga, seeing a photo, sometimes say: 
    “Oh!  I thought you were a lot
    older and heavier.”  Leaves me feeling
    force-fed a mixed cocktail of vanity and irritation.

    Particularly for women, the
    attractiveness of age’s wisdom seems almost mutually exclusive of youth’s
    beauty, malgre Shakespeare (“Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her
    infinite variety”).

    I wish I could say honestly
    to all us older folk, like I could easily say to my friend:  Age will only improve your character, and you
    will (because it’s human nature), but you need not, ever fear for your beauty.

  • Farting With Impunity

    Since the doctor and all those intrusive tests indicate (as if my own body
    wasn't a good enough indicator, think I, grumpily) that I'm entering
    the Third Age a little on the early side of normal, I've spent a lot of
    time looking at old women lately.  No, let's not say 'mature,' or
    'seasoned,' or 'wise,' in this context.  Let's just say
    'old.' 

    A whole group of old ladies, all gussied up in red hats and dangling
    necklaces and drapery and high heels sat near us at a recent theatrical
    event.  They were a bit raucous and not the least reserved,
    even when one of them fell off her heels.  My kids gawked.  I
    admired.

    An older woman was one of a team of professional videographers who came
    to our office last week.  She joshed with the engineers and bossed
    around her towering male subordinate.  She wasn't reserved
    either.  I admired.

    A female colleague of 'retirement age' but definitely still more
    competent than most and uninterested in removing herself  from
    public life (although she does take
    extended vacations to participate in those weeks-long bicycle trips all
    over the States) performed her usual administrative role at an all-day
    Board meeting yesterday.  While taking meticulous minutes of the
    affair, she crunched grapes from the sideboard loudly enough to be
    heard across the room and farted with impunity.

    I cringed.

    But I'm thinking about that.  It's easy to admire competent people
    who wear their age with pride.  But to what degree does a society
    permit older people to rearrange the social niceties?  To decide
    certain little rules (spikes on the elderly heels, loud acknowledgments
    of the workings of the digestive system) isn't worth the bother for
    them any more?  Is that okay?  How different are a loud fart
    and a loud red hat?

    What do you think?

  • On 7 and 17

    My mother recently unearthed the following 1978 memo from my father
    (then a workaholic wageearner) to me (then a bright but highly rebellious
    aspiring teenaged writer):

    "Dear Faith,
            Your mission, in the extremely unlikely event that you should choose to accept it.
            Continue the following plot:

            Harrased mother is confronted by daughter who:
                spurns her advice   
                rejects her affections
                ridicules her gifts
                criticizes her deportment
                insults her intelligence
                devours without thanks her
                    food
                    labor
                    shelter
                    funds   
                    freedom
                    energy
                    love."

    Fortunately (in some ways), plot continuation was
    unlikely at 17; however two and a half decades further on I can without
    any hesitation propose the following:

    ".....and eventually bears a daughter who repeats same."

  • Conversations With Four (again)

    Ms. 4:  [little arms crossed, pouting] I found out today that Johnny was just trickin' when he said there were girl superheroes.
    Me:  Well, there ARE, honey, but anyway even if there weren't you could play one!
    Ms. 4:  No, the boys are in charge of the superheroes game.
    Me:  [sticking with the staunch feminist line] But you can play superheroes too!
    Ms. 4:  No, I'd rather leave that to the boys.
    Me:  Well, what are YOU in charge of?
    Ms. 4:  I'm in charge of the Cinderella game.  But there aren't any boys in the Cinderella game.
    Me:  What?  Yes there is; what about the Prince?
    Ms. 4:  Yeah, but none of the boys want to be the Prince.
    Me:  So what do you do for a Prince?
    Ms. 4:  We just have an imaginary Prince.  That's easier.

    Everything she ever needs to know, she's learning in preschool.........

  • Resting Places

    Helping my dear friend pack out her house this weekend (bedding and
    wedding invitations and underwear and her daughter's artwork slewed all
    over the floor, sweating guys heaving lovely furniture over the ornate
    balustrade, swathing oak-framed mirrors in old bubble-wrap) I was
    thinking a lot about beginnings and endings.  My friend expected
    this was the house she'd retire into, but paradoxically (whether
    because she's a packrat or had some subconscious inkling of this
    massive life-upheaval) she'd kept all the original boxes for her
    delicate lamps and cherry-wood furniture. 

    If asked suddenly, I might declaratively state I'm in my own last home,
    here in the curve of the hills of my childhood, next door to my
    parents, raising my kids in the community where I grew up.  But
    other times I've said just as definitively that I plan to go back overseas, travel widely once the kids leave home;
    perhaps even find another farm in another country.  The older you
    get the fewer dreams become reality, but on the other hand  the
    worn and settled veneer is never quite the sum of what's beneath,
    either.  As anyone can tell you who's just helped dismantle a
    house:  there's plastic under that hardwood, or lovely silver
    inside the plain cracked box, or -- as I discovered to its dismay -- a
    thick-bodied silverfish wedged between the copper base and worked-glass
    wings of the exquisite butterfly lamp.

    Everyone does stop moving eventually, and in preparation for
    that final moment many choose to put their corporeal remains in a
    resting place commensurate with an afterlife of contemplative
    ease.  Certainly the living eye perceives some cemetaries in this
    light, such as the achingly beautiful example near our recent host's
    Vermont farm.  Perched on a rocky outcrop above a burbling brook
    on a bed of moss under old oaks and pines, it's the epitome of 'rest.'

    Eight hundred miles south, the dead own a less fortunate resting place: a green
    swath under midsummer haze where, perhaps,
    the original plot owners dreamed of lying in peace in the land they'd
    come west to settle.  Modern times have squeezed that pretty
    acre between the Gavin Power Plant and its fellow towering chemical
    producers.  The air is acrid and the riverside scenery erased in
    favor of
    icons to the modern need for inexhaustible energy, bright disposable toys, and
    bubble wrap.

    The exigencies of the living always overpower the memories of the
    departed, but I desperately want to believe that every move is a move
    toward better things; that death itself is neither 'final' or truly
    'rest,' but rather an enlightenment of the narrow human mind and a
    broadening of the flesh-and-blood parameter, far beyond the confines
    of whatever emblem we leave to remind the living of our previous
    existence.

  • Mist and Mosquitoes

    Note from the vacation trail:

    The ethereal misty beauty of a northern
    brook is fortunately tempered by periodic bite-slap mosquito moments. 
    Otherwise it might be too otherworldly.

  • Moments That Make.....*


    Ms. 4 [splashing around in the bathtub while I stand
    there impatiently, making periodic shooing motions with the
    towel]:  Mom?  Why does this bathtub plug float?  Or not
    quite float?  It goes down in the water like -- like a feather
    goes down in air, first this way, and then that way, and then this way,
    all the way to the bottom.

    *...a
    mother think:  Whoa; I've spawned a natural physicist!  ..........Or
    maybe if we all spent time fiddling around in a tub, we'd all be just
    as intuitive..........

  • For All Those With Back-to-Work Blues

    Ms. 4 and Ms. 7 are playing house in my parents' livingroom, part of a
    circular arrangement of floorspace.  Ms. 4 is the
    stay-at-home partner, engaged in something with scissors and
    paper.  Ms. 7 is energetically preparing to leave for work on Ms.
    4's tricycle.  Having attached a lunch box to her vehicle, she
    mounts it like a scooter with one foot on the step and the trailing leg
    pushing.  Zipping through the kitchen and into the den, she
    screeches to a halt.  Rapid-fire, in a sing-song monotone, she
    explains the situation.


    Okay, at work.

    Work, work, work.

    Eat lunch.

    Yum, yum, yum.

    Get paid.

    Done!

    Remounting, she careens off.