February 25, 2004
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I Don’t Do…..
Yesterday evening I just had one of those unfortunately revelatory moments when you realize that you are Not Actually As Wonderful A Human Being As You Thought. I confess that I’ve had far fewer of these moments than would be required for true humility (or for a passing grade with whatever God or Goddess drew the dull duty of tallying these things), but still: it’s not a moment to relish, eh?
So this was the source of my disillusionment: I’ve always thought I was the be-all and end-all of parental self-sacrifice (particularly in relation to my spouse — and I mean, that’s the bit that counts when one’s feeling particularly put-upon, of course, that holier-than-thou bit). I was always on clean-up detail for the green poop and the multiple-pukes. I did the night parenting. I was the one the kids demanded when fever-flushed, or upset, or even deliriously happy. I’m just that Essential Mom Type, all around.
But this evening I came face-up against the thing I don’t do. The spouse and the kids were at the kitchen counter when I came in from walking the dog. They were happily engaged in something involving water and copious amounts of corn starch (which was all over the floor, countertop, clothing and hair). Everyone was grinning. “We’re making slime. Care to play?” asked the spouse. I glanced at the operation.
“I have to do the laundry,” I growled, and escaped the premises.
No, it wasn’t the mess per se. I’m all for mess. What I hate, you see, what I HATE is the feel of powdery stuff on my hands. I’m the granddaughter of an accomplished potter and the daughter of a woman who’s kneaded her homemade bread by hand for over a half-century — but I can’t STAND powdery hands. No dried mud, flour, clay or corn starch need apply.
I’ve known this about myself since I first extracted myself, horrified, from mud-pie-play, shuddering and desperately seeking the nearest flowing water. But I’d never previously realized it applied to my parenting. Woe is my ego!
What don’t you do?
(P.S. on slime — I did deign to dabble, once it was well-and-thoroughly mixed — it’s one of those totally cool gruesome kiddie science experiments with all sorts of lessons about material properties. If you haven’t tried it, go find someone who ‘does’ powder, and introduce the kids (you can play too, when they’ve tired of it….))
Comments (17)
Torture for me would be sitting through a full episode of just about any prime time sitcom or “reality” show. Wanna know something? I have not watched a full episode of “survivor” or any of those other stupid low budget shows. It’s vapid.
Loved this.
While I can easily wile away the hours with the cornstarch slime (we called it Goop, back in the day) and pretty much anything that falls under the category of “playing”, there are certain things I simply can’t clean.
I cannot get down on my knees and clean that no man’s land behind the toilet. The plumbing in our largely pre-war house is modernized…up to a point. The bathroom walls and floors are consistently damp and clammy and despite constant repairs, there always seems to be a seeping of water from the so-called water-tight joints. This is why everyone here has a pair of waterproof slippers in the bathroom. The walls of the tiny room are tiled to about waist high, and a mixture of paper pulp, mud and concrete up to the ceiling. I have sealed the walls as best I could with a thick whitewashing of anti-mold paint, but they are constantly deteriorating to mix with the moisture on the floor and build up some nasty gunk in my aforementioned blind spot.
The room is so narrow that I would have to be on my knees with my head bent to the side of the toilet’s base in order to reach the area with both arms outstretched. Literally prostrating myself.
Nope, can’t do it. So every few weeks the Prof gets a real nice dinner as his reward for a job well done.
I can’t fill the kerosene tanks, either, but we’ve worked out an entirely different deal where that is concerned….
You don’t do powdery hands? That’s it! You’ve been exposed for what you really are. I’ve lost my faith in you. Here I thought you were a good parent, but now I know the truth! My world is shattered — shattered!
We confuse motherdom with martyrdom. We do it all the time. The only similiarity is that they both start with ‘m’. That’s it.
I don’t do ‘noise’. Air shows, car races etc…not my department.
I don’t do vomit. I have done a lot of things, but I cannot go near barf, I don’t even like to talk about barf. Yuck!!
Sometimes I don’t love my neighbor as I love myself. My next door neighbors, specifically. They are truly a challenge for me spiritually. Withe kids, I pretty much do anything that must be done. But some things less than their dad.
Steve has to clean the cat box, however. I gave that up w/ my first pregnancy and have only done it once or twice since then.
i am also a Non-Vomit person. there have been plenty of occasions when bill was away and there was vomit to be dealt with, and holy shit, that’s the nastiest i’ve ever felt. the one time? the time that it involved hotdogs and cherry-flavored chewy lifesavers? in big steaming puddles? i almost lost it completely.
i also don’t do jello, or jello-ish substances.
Haven’t really found the answer to that yet – well, raw wastewater at a treatment plant (but toilets – full ones - aren’t even out of the question)… but other than that, I will ‘do’ pretty much anything.
I can’t think of anything that I know for certain that I won’t do, I can think of a few things that I haven’t done as much as I wish I had. I haven’t gotten outside to run and toss a ball with the kids nearly often enough, and why DID I think it was more important to wash dishes?
Hog dog vomit is the worst.
Don’t mind the powder, but I despise the slime! I can’t stand having messy hands, or eating messy food
Great story!!
I DO NOT do poor aim at the toilet. Especially from the younger boys who in my theroy are closer to the target, so why would they miss? Or at minimum, they know they missed, so clean it up! Whew! Thanks, I feel better now.
Hmmm. When you have not had kids at home for awhile, it is hard to remember what you did not do. About the only thing I remember particularly was the ban I put on silly putty after my daughter let it melt into the carpet in her room.
aluminum foil or sand in my mouth– can’t take it.
Powder, mud, slime, dirt, toilets, dishes,worms, et al I can do. I do not do spider killing. NOPE HATE it! Vomit clean up-well I can do it but if I can weasel out of it in any way I can and big green yellow yucky SNOT- ewwwww.
geeze, you are a saint. let’s see, i dont do school functions very well. they make me sick to my stomach. i can never explain it. i love to see my kids work, i dont mind the kids but for some reason, on site school functions make me ill. but, going somewhere, whereever with the class, i am all great with that.
Although I gave in this past summer, I am not a big fan of the beach or swimming pools . . . the beach, because of all the sand that gets everywhere and the pools because of chorine and, well, other reasons, like the presence of 50 former students and their parents.